Irritatingly self-indulgent

I’m being all spontaneous here.  I don’t have a definate ‘thing’ to blog about today so I thought I might self indulgently, talk about me..

Earlier on, I went for a coffee with my daughter and we chatted about her university applications and her accomodation and how independent it will make her when she moves out of home.  Im already ’empty nesting’ and wondering how I will manage without her around.  We have such alot of fun together, and she is amazing company.  We are also incredibly close.  I know that this is what your kids do.  They grow from babies into beautiful young people and then they take that life that you gave them and go off and create their own.  Its life.  Its what happens.  I always was able to say that it was years ahead but now its next year.  I know that for her its a fabulous and exciting time ahead.   Does mother nature time it so that this major event coincides with the menopause  My hormones have been sending me into various states of emotional turmoil over the last week or so.  I have been irritable.  Really irritable to the point of have felt like I have had no sleep for a week and then drunk 20 espressos. Everything has irritated me to such an extent that the only thing I could do was take to me bed and watch mundane telly that doesn’t demand too much attention, because that is quite irritating.    Although I love him enormously even my dog has been irritating me a little bit when he scratches.  he doesn’t understand, and neither does my husband.  God knows how can they? They aren’t even women!!  They know nothing about how it feels to be a woman!!  Anyway, I digress.  At night I wake up lusting for fresh air but too tired to get up and open the window, so I just lie there thinking about it and miss loads of sleep, which is irritating.  Because I am tall my trousers never go up to my actual waist thus a large muffintop of perry menopausal cake ingestion is now a permanent feature.  Very irritating. Full length mirrors:irritating.

Mascara. I can never find the right one.  You know the one that makes your eyelashes all lush and long and full and gorgeous.  I buy every new one with its promises of delivering my vision and they ALWAYS let me down!!  My daughter has accumulated a plethora of mycast off mascaras, the quantity of which could fill superdrug.  You know what? on her they look perfect! I think its an illness. I used to stockpile conditioners incase I suddenly fell on hard times and couldn’t afford them anymore.  I always have to have at least one obsession being a major irritation in my life.  Often my hair. Often weight.  Often I irritate myself by wasting my time on my obsessive behaviours.

Christmas.  I love it, but not when it starts in chuffing October!  No sooner were the Halloween masks taken down then ho,ho bloomin’ ho the aisles in the supermarket swell from a pile of Roses chocolates boxes to a full on double aisle glitter and chocolate fest with christmas tunes following you around trying to guilt trip you into buying STUFF! And this stuff. Extortionate amounts of shortbread in tins shaped like polar bears, table runners(what even is a table runner) covered in santas and holly.  The other day we actually found a television channel called ‘Christmas 24’.  Its Christmas movies, 24 hours a day.  We even watched it for a few minutes but then berrated ourselves and turned over .  Now I love a Christmas film as much as the next person.  ‘Its a Wonderful Life’,  ‘Miracle on 34th Street’, and of course ‘A Muppet Christmas Carol’.  But, I don’t want to watch them until at least mid-December.

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Our tree goes up no more than a week before Christmas day and comes down on New Years Day.  Christmas. Done! Don’t drag it out….

Hey, I’m actually finding this quite cathartic.  Don’t worry,there’s more!! 

Bad service, thats annoys me, and rude customers-years of working in the cafe field have left me abit bitter.  It works like this; if customers are lovely and nice and polite I will do my upmost to make their experience a gorgeous one. If they are not polite and throw their money at you, don’t say thanks or please and forget that you are an actual human being doing a job and trying your absolute best, they will not get a beautifully executed Cappucino with extra sprinkles.

People who drop litter,  People who don’t indicate,people who put a bacon sandwich under your nose and ask if you are tempted when you haven’t eaten meat since you were 8.  Bigots, bullies,rascists, homphobes, misogynists.  People who in any way hurt animals.  Fox hunters, grouse hunters, Piers Morgan, Donald Trump, Theresa May, Boris Johnson,etc.etc. People who wear ‘Ramones’ Tshirts and don’t know who they are.  People who smoke around their babies, the big tanks in Makro with live lobsters in waiting to be brought and boiled.  Facebook feeds that spring nasty stuff at you without any warning.  Marmite, mushrooms, eggs, aubergines, tinned tomatoes served with your breakfast, pretentious artists,poverty, homelessnes, That Emmerdale won over Coronation Street at the soap (2)

Sinusitis. That Prince and George Michael and David Bowie aren’t with us anymore. The noise of people eating bananas. When my cakes sink in the middle……..

Lets turn it around:  I  in no way find irritating my first coffee of the day, my kids(!!!!), my beautiful family, my nieces and nephews and the other little ones in my life ,  I love my husband and the blue of his eyes, but you cannot live with someone for 23 years and at some points not be irritated by them, you always love them but don’t have to like them all the time! I love my friends, I love my dog, I love other people’s dogs, I love Coronation Street, I love cake and I love food (apart from the ones on the irritating list) I love snow days, I love the smell of cut grass and squirting cream directly into my mouth.  I love being cosy, I love being in bed, I love Eddie Izzard and Jeremy Corbyn and Sir David Attenborough.  I love the feeling you have when you come out of a spa day, I love how when you are listening to music  on headphones its like having your own soundtrack, I love disco, the smell of coffee and a nice cup of Earl Grey, going on train journeys, and the feel of the sun on my back, I love walking and feeling lucky to live near such a beautiful landscape. I love walking around Harrods people watching, and the little italian cafe Lily and I found round the corner, Chanel No.5, nice things.  Sparkly things and Andrew Lincoln.  Hot baths. Kitsch imagery, flamingos, mojitos, champagne truffles.  Hotel rooms (with toiletries and fluffy dressing gowns), the night my sister took me to see Prince for my birthday. The birds in our garden. Tiramisu.  The sound of the sea, the smell of coconut and the exhale that my dog does when he is happy.

Its often said that everyday you should write 3 positive things about your day.  On the day I wrote this I found out about the passing of a beautiful and brave soul.  I had no words to turn into positives.

To use the old cliche, you need to grab life and do what you love because its too short not too. Surround yourself with what makes you feel nice, and don’t be pressured  because you aren’t climbing mountains or building empires.  What makes us happy is relative to who we are.  Tell the people you love that you love them.  Be nice, smile at people and say hello..sometimes they smile back.




Dedicated to Simone, Sleep peacefully angelxx


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