New Years Eve was not the best. I spent most of it in and out of lurgy induced sleep, managed one gin and some pretzels. Forced myself to stay awake until 12 when I watched the people having fun in London with fireworks and Nile Rodgers and Chic singing Auld Lang Syne when they actually should have been here with me singing their greatest hits in my living room and passing me balsam tissues. It was not a joyous evening.
January 1st 2018 has been a beautiful day.
We decided to go for a walk on Big Moor. After a while we found a stone circle with a kind of offerings type stone which had some rosemary, some holly and one of those stick on googly eyes placed on top. Nearby there was a smashed up pumpkin. I cannot imagine exactly what this all meant. I hear that there are all kinds of shenanigans within the stone circles, including some nudity, various ‘offerings’ at key moments in the year/luna calender, summer/winter solstice etc. I enjoyed being there, in the middle of the stone circle on New Years Day. thinking about all the people and animals and seasons that had passed that way.
Then from nowhere appeared the most beautiful lake
Aint’t it gorgeous?
The sun suddenly came out and shone on the water and all was good with the world. To my left the beautiful bubbling of water cascading down to join a river, surrounded by fairytale trees. I could have stayed there all day. I felt some kind of affinity to that place. I can’t explain it. Maybe I was caught up in the moment. One of my favourite sounds is that of water whether it be sea or rivers, I find it very beautiful and calming. I could have stayed there all day but for our rumbling tummies and my need for coffee.
Anyway a brief and much needed naturetastic experience, but please don’t tell everyone where this walk is. I want to go there in the summer with my dog, a big blanket and a flask to see if I can bottle some of that feeling and take inspiration for my writing. So just keep it between us ok?
In other news, as I write this There is a programme on the telly about dieting, with snapshots of wobbly lady tummies and squishy bums walking down busy streets and the narrator using words such as ‘Obese’ ‘BMI’ and ‘Greggs’. What would it feel like to be the owner of the wobbly lady tummy or squishy bottom being used as an example of gluttony and laziness? Do they consent I am trying to lose weight. I am always trying to lose weight and have been for most of my adult life. I definately want to explore this more in my writing because it seems to me that nothing changes. Except when you get past ‘a certain age’ it seems noone really cares what you look like which puts more onus on yourself to be happy with who you are.
Diet came from the Greek word for normal behaviour!!! I eat for pleasure, I also eat for nutrition but I do like cake. I am trying to adopt a vegan diet for ethical/animal welfare reasons. Unfortunately I am the faddiest of faddy eaters and although I basically have a really healthy diet, there are some foods I will point blank refuse to eat. I don’t eat meat,fish eggs (apart from in cake!)aubergines,mushrooms,tofu,artichokes,the list goes on and on. I have almost entirely switched from dairy to Oat milk but am abit worried that if I give up on any other foods, whatever it is that keeps me reasonably healthy and energised in my weird diet may be lost and I can’t afford for that to happen. However, I am the queen of snacking and due to various controlling personalities in my past I have always had issues with what I eat and how I look. I’ve been to ………
I vowed to lose enough weight by 40 to wear a silver bikini in Ibiza and I succeeded. But for a year I wrote down everything I ate, counted ‘points’ and went to spinning classes at 6.30 every morning. I went to my meeting on time every week, got weighed ( some of the group used to wear summer clothes in winter and even take their watches off for the weigh in) and then joined in with the relentless confessions from those who had eaten ‘bad’ foods, eaten 10 oven chips and a milky way for a snack? Take the C away from Chips and what do you get? And we pay to do this! We buy into it and buy special products that taste like sugar and sawdust but make us feel virtuous.
I’m not going to lie, I was pleased with myself. I celebrated with champagne sangria and ice cream. I came home and put all the weight back on because I was thin and so could lead a normal life and eat proper food and also I couldn’t maintain that regime and the control involved wasn’t good for me mentally. I’d like to say that I have the willpower to lose weight without this kind of regime, but you see, part of me wants to celebrate the voluptuous curves, the gay abandon of stuffing a big chocolate eclair in the gob.
This is my favourite painting
When Will and I were in Florence we went to the Uffizi especially so I could stand in front of Venus. I love her. And look at her lovely rounded tummy and her big feet. I bet she didn’t hold back on the profiteroles.
Anyway I realise this is becoming a tangent of rambling that I should propably keep within the confines of my own head so I will leave you there and go and cut the slimming world voucher out of Now magazine…or maybe I will eat the last mince pie..